The Lost Journal Entries
Six mysterious files have been located throughout the woods. Each file seems to contain a journal entry from Matthew's past.
The Lost Journal Entries
Six mysterious files have been located throughout the woods. Each file seems to contain a journal entry from Matthew's past.
I think the hardest part about growing up is realizing not everyone who smiles at you is really your friend. I wanted to believe the world was softer, that trust came easy, but making EBF [Ex Best Friend, EP] taught me otherwise.
It hurts when someone who once knew everything about you becomes a stranger... or worse, an enemie. It makes you question if you really knew them, or yourself.
Maybe the lesson isnt about losing them, it was about finding me.
-Chance
Sometimes being alone is supposed to mean something is wrong with you, but I've learned that's not true. Being alone doesn't mean lonely, it means having space to hear your own thoughts. I'm proud of myself... All A+'s this semester. I didn't think I could do it, but here I am.
Future me... I don't know when you'll read this, but I hope you know I'm rooting for you. I hope you chase things that scare you, still pushing yourself, still proving yourself wrong in all the best ways.
Being alone isn't scary. In some ways I guess, it makes you stronger.
Xoxo, Chance
I don't even know where to start. Somewhere I lost control. I thought I was building something, but all I did was break it.
I fucked everything up. The people, the chances, the momentum... I let it slip through my hands. And now nobody is rooting for me... not even me. It feels like watching a tower collapse in slow motion. Part of me wants to rebuild, and parts of me wonder if I even deserve to.
I don't know who I am. All I know is that I don't like him.
Goodbye, Chance.
I don't even know who I am or what I'm doing. Everyday feels like guessing, like pretending I have answers that I [actually] don't. I just realeased my fifth album, but even with that, everything is in shambles.
[scribbles] Help [scribbles] ...and I don't want to tell my parents... how much I've collapsed. [scribbles] ...they wouldn't understand.
I hope theres a way to heal quietly... without anyone noticing how broken I am.
I hope future me is doing good.
-Matthew
I just released Malibu Menace. On the outside, it sounds bright, fun, alive. But the truth is, I made it that way to distract myself. If the music is happy enough, maybe nobody will notice how heavy things really feel.
The world feels like it’s falling apart, and honestly, my head isn’t in the right place either. Smiles are easy to put in a song, but not so easy to wear in real life.
Part of me wonders if people will ever hear the pain behind the beat... or if I even want them to. Maybe it’s better if they Just Dance, while I figure out how to survive myself.
-Matthew
It’s surreal being an adult. Nobody hands you a map, nobody warns you what the wrong turns cost. The only way you learn is by screwing up and paying for it yourself. And weirdly… that’s the beauty of it.
Some nights, I wish there was a greenlight that told me when to go, when to stop, when I was finally on the right path. But real life doesn’t work like that. You don’t get signals... you just move, and hope the road doesn’t swallow you.
I’ve had to experiment, try on different versions of myself, almost like when you play doctors as a kid, except this time the stakes are higher. This time, the mistakes leave scars.
And yeah, a part of me still wants to make daddy proud, but the bigger part of me knows it’s not about living for anyone else. It’s about being comfortable in my own skin, even if that skin doesn’t fit the story other people want from me.
At the end of the day, I’m Almost Cinderella. Not because I got rescued, but because I rescued myself.
-Matthew West